Upleveling My Relationship With Control
Entrepreneur Diaries
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I’ve been quiet in my own marketing for the last month or so.
Business is going really well. I’m set to make all of what I made in 2023 by the end of June 2024. Which means that doubling my profits from last year is a distinct possibility. Hell, quintupling profits from last year is a distinct possibility!
I think this is what they call an uplevel.
Money no longer has my stomach gripping in knots as I wrack my brain for how on earth I can get what I need to pay my rent and bills, spoil my pets, and have enough left over to have a fun life.
I no longer doubt the value of my work and my skill.
I’m no longer confused about who I am best suited to serve.
I’m pretty darn clear on what I do and don’t like doing.
I know how to say “no” to bad fits or out-of-scope requests.
I know how to show up for my people and my business and myself.
These were all hard-won knowings. And I’m proud of myself for learning these lessons and getting to this place in my business.
But I’m also a bit directionless at the moment.
The good thing about having a clear and pressing immediate need like MONEY RIGHT NOW is that you get to be super clear on what you want and what you’re working for and what to focus on.
I think that’s why myself and so many others have become secretly addicted to survival mode- because there is a KNOWING that comes with it. A clarity.
Then, suddenly, you find yourself with all your needs met. Then what?
What do you want now?
What do you focus on?
What’s the goal?
Who are you now without the familiar scramble, the familiar desperation, the singular drive?
I don’t know this version of me yet.
What does she do when she doesn’t have to do anything in particular?
When she could rest or work? Be creative or at leisure?
Choose between good options rather than which option hurts the least to settle for?
It’s a bit unnerving to have all those anchors- as terrifying and agonizing as they were - just… gone.
I’m faced with the question: “What do I want?”
And I’m left with my present answer of: “I don’t know.”
But, here’s where I can see my own growth.
I’m deciding that not knowing is OK. And I’m going to pause until I know.
I don’t want to be familiar with desperate grind anymore. I don’t want pushing myself to the very edge of what I can stand to be my identity anymore.
I don’t know what my new identity is, but I know she doesn’t force things.
She doesn’t try to control.
She is OK with being exactly how she is, even if how she is doesn’t know the answer.
I can tell that this Isa is ready to make a lot more money than she’s ever seen before in her life because of this.
She is so OPEN. She is so patient.
She has entered receiving mode.
She’s ready.
Do you want support in making peace with wherever you’re at in your entrepreneurship journey? Do you want to run your business in a way that flows WITH your natural rhythms- not against them? I’d love to work with you 1:1.
