That One Time I Mistook a Panic Attack for a Crush
What does this have to do with marketing? Everything.
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So many of us confuse “safe” with “familiar.” Many go their whole lives mixing them up without even realizing it.
Personally, this mix up can keep you stuck in some pretty toxic patterns.
But as an entrepreneur or marketer, this lack of awareness cuts you off from your most powerful sales leverage: emotional clarity.
In any case, I sincerely hope you learn the difference between “safety” and “familiarity” and that you learn it fast. Everything gets better when you do.
Allow me to illustrate.
Am I Into Him or Scared of Him?
I hadn’t even sat down before he was negging me about my book.
He had flashes of sweetness - especially when I was unnecessarily self-deprecating (where TF did that come from? I’d been working on not doing that!) But mostly he seemed baffled by me. Probably not in a good way- though he was (mostly) polite about it. He devil’s advocated, scoffed, and was bemused and skeptical about my unconventional approach to business.
I was defensive. I volleyed back too sharply at times. My smile was weapon grade. My energy jittery, and not just due to the coffee. My shoulders, chest, throat, and jaw were tense and ready- for what, I don’t know.
I was anxious and thought about him for hours afterward. Dissecting the conversation.
Wanna know how my brain interpreted this? “He’s very handsome. I must be into him???”
Wanna know how my therapist interpreted this? Actually, she was out that day. But I’m guessing she’s going to back up the conclusion I came to after I thought about it some more:
That wasn’t a crush. That was just a familiar fear.
You see, I have experienced intimate partner violence more than once. And growing up, I suffered narcissistic abuse from a caregiver. I’m no stranger love bombing, trauma bonds, and coercive control.
Obviously, just because these are familiar dynamics, does not mean they are safe dynamics. Just because I’ve seen red flags before doesn’t mean I should turn them into landmarks on my trail route.
I am so grateful to have the discernment to choose the unfamiliar in cases such as these.
Familiar ≠ Safe
Here’s the thing: our bodies love us madly.
They will do anything to keep us alive.
Unconsciously, they prefer the familiar because they have a good track record for keeping us alive in familiar situations.
But, since the familiar isn’t necessarily “safe” and certainly isn’t the best we can hope for, we have to train our bodies to believe that we can handle uncertainty. That we are safe even with new experiences.
So What Does This Have To Do With Business?
If a ton of money, followers, and success is new to you, your body might not yet recognize new money, followers, and success as safe.
And, if you don’t realize that’s what’s going on- you might unconsciously sabotage to prevent getting what you want. Like not showing up in your marketing in an authentic way so that you don’t attract the customers and sales that will get your business to the next level.
We have to consciously practice new habits and beliefs so our bodies’ fear responses don’t automatically take over whenever we’re in an unfamiliar situation… Like suddenly gaining a bunch of followers, or suddenly serving more clients than we’ve ever had before, or suddenly having to develop systems to respond to way more DMs than we’re used to, etc.
How Do We Find Safety in Uncertainty in Business?
I’ve redefined safety for myself in this way: trusting that no matter what comes my way, I’ll be able to handle it with grace.
Here’s how that feels in my body: clear-eyed and calm. Light on my feet. Strong. Graceful. Poised.
With this new sense of safety, I know I won’t just blindly react. I won’t just flail about. Why?
Because I’ve trained myself to have emotional clarity.
To now be able to pause and discern the difference between whether I have a crush on a handsome man who just insulted me, or if I am just feeling a familiar sense of fear. To be able to discern the difference between whether I actually don’t know what to say to sell that offer, or if I just don’t want to be that vulnerable and open to other people’s judgment.
To create irresistible marketing, you need this kind of emotional clarity too.
Join me 1:1 and/or at Marketing Witchery Week, and I’ll show you how.
